Awful Day and Memories
by BrokenHeartChick
Summary: I didn't mean for this story to become somewhat personal, but it did! A one-shot, based on me and my ex never loving me. Kori is very depressed but this praticular day, kind of makes it worse... Rated T for Language


**Author's Note: I'm just about done with love. I am deeply deeply in love with my ex. No matter how much I try to forget him, I can't. I wanted to punch him and hate him with all my guts, but I can't either….. and now? Today…. He asked out my friend… and I'm pretty sure she says yes. I don't think that she knows that me and him went out… but it still hurts. Anyways, I just… needed to write. I thought that this would help me so…. Here it goes. Base on true events.**

The pain was like a knife through my heart. There I was, standing in the hall, looking at the guy I truly love. Sad thing is, he doesn't love me back. He never did. Yes people, I am still in love with my ex. Everyone told me to forget him, to move on, to find someone better because they think I deserve better. Well, they don't understand that I have been for the past 5 months.

Damn you, heart.

Damn you, feelings.

Damn you, butterflies.

Just damn you all.

I don't know why I still care for him, when he never did to me. Everything he said and did was all a fucking lie. A stupid motherfucking lie.

And I hate myself for it. I still love that damn bastard.

Just…. He was amazing. The best boyfriend you could imagine. He respected me, laughed with me, and picked me up! Even though I didn't want to because I feel like I'm too heavy. He was just pure amazing. He just made me the happiest girl ever. Everyone could see it in my eyes, they told me. They could actually see life and happiness and hope in them. I still remember when we shared a fry, like the lady and the tramp. I laughed. I could never forget.

I could also never forget when it all shattered into a million pieces. He said he wanted to talk about us… but we never did. When I mentioned about it, he shook his head and told me, "Don't worry. Everything is fine". I believed him. When I had to go, we hugged goodbye.

Forever.

I should of know because he hugged me tighter than usual. I didn't mind so I hugged him back. Later that day, he ended the relationship with a text. I couldn't cry that night.

Why?

Because it still didn't hit me that he was gone. No longer mine. The next day, I was so depressed than usual. I didn't want to walk, eat, work, or do anything. Just crawl under the sheets and just lay there. It's very hard for me to cry. No matter how sad the situation is.

It pisses me off because then I feel like I have no heart.

Anyways, about 4 months pass and I'm still not over him. I see him everywhere, everyday. I even have a class with him. I don't know how I feel about that. I get happy because I get to see him, then depressed because I remember that he isn't mine anymore.

Well, he never was.

A couple of weeks of finally crying, trying to move on, and just having pain all the time, my friend told me the real reason why he… broke up with me. First, my ex said that he just didn't want a girlfriend at the time because he was going through a tough time. Then, he said when the stuff clears up and I want to go out again, we could.

Nope. That was a fucking lie.

The real reason is that…. He never loved me. Not one little bit. Not even a crush or anything. Just… nada. That just made me even worse. Every day, I feel so un-worthy. Useless. Ugly and other names. I even stop wearing actually clothes to school. Mainly I wear sweats or basketball shorts and a jacket. I really don't care about looks anymore. What's the point?

I'm just… angry at myself. I still care for him. I still wish him the best. I still want to protect him from the people that talk shit about him because of what he did. I still like him. I still try to see him. I still overhear his jokes and try not to laugh. I still… love him.

But he doesn't love me.

I shake my head, trying to block the memories and walk past him. He still smells like home. I smiled just a bit before I pulled up my hoodie more and raised up the music.

I quickly went to retrieve my stuff from my locker and headed outside. All my friends were out there, laughing away. I put on a fake smile and started to hang out with them. I was sort of having a good time when I saw him and my friend sitting next to each other.

I didn't feel too good.

Maybe it was because I also ate around 5 cookies. I felt very sick and started to breathe hard. I couldn't tell what was making me hurt. I was pretty sure it was the cookies, but everything I looked at them, it would hurt more.

I didn't tell my friends though. They think that I'm a happy girl, so I told them it was the cookies. I seriously thought it was the cookies too. Then, my friend came over to check up on me. He didn't stand or said anything. He just sat on the bench and waited for my friend to come back. I sighed. I told her that I felt sick. It was funny because she thought I threw up because food was spilled on the concrete.

I laughed. She smiled.

_No wonder he wants her. She's so pretty, smart, funny, and awesome. Any guy would be lucky to have her. Then, there's me… I thought. _

I looked down. She smiled again and waved goodbye and sat back down with him. Instantly, they started to talk again. I swear my heart jumped.

Me and him never talked like that. Never had… a relationship like that. That's when I knew, he **will** ask her out, and I was 98% sure that she would say yes. Then, a few minutes later, they left together. Off in the direction of the mall.

I wanted to cry right then and there, but I stopped myself. The only time I could cry is when my whole family is asleep.

So I held it in.

Until night fell.

Then, I let the tears roll down free and keep whispering, "I love you, Richard".

**Author's Note: Wow…. This was much personal than I thought it was gonna be. His name is Ermin. Please, if you think that I'm stupid and retard that I still love after all of that, don't leave a negative comment. Please don't. Normally I would let you… but right now, I can't handle it. However, if you have some advice for me, then you're more than welcome to. So, basically almost all of this happened. Except the ending, where she cries and whispers? Nope. Haven't done it and hopefully it won't happen. Anyways, hope you "enjoyed" and thanks. For letting me write this… I feel somewhat better… **

**Until next time,**

_**BrokenHeartChick**_

"**My love for you was bulletproof, but you're the one who shot me". **

**-****Bulletproof Love**** by Pierce the Veil**


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